Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
