I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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