we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
