please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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