i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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