when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
