the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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