Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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