he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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