I faked an abortion last night.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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