no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.