i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
