I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she peed on how many people?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Holy sore nipples Batman