did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.