all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.