you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"