I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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