I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize