I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
