her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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