if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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