he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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