That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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