Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
