Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
