I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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