3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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