My brain says no but my pants say off.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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