My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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