I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am mentally ready for anal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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