I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
