i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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