What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
