just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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