You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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