I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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