I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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