I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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