So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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