ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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