i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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