i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize