Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
