I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm passing your future prison.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
