When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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