Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
