Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
His nipple licking is glorious
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