so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize