I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
