I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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