Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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