I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
