He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
