Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
did i walk over a car last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
