you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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