I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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