omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
