I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
