we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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