The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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