i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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