Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
